I love going on dates, but I hate it when the man I go out with decides to make it all official. And by official, I don’t just mean being asked to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I mean the constant texts, phone calls and facebook messages. It gets to the point where if I don’t reply quickly I get another text saying ‘why aren’t you answering?’.
Since this has happened several times to me (I sure know how to pick ’em), I came up with a few simple tips for dating to make the guys back off or take a step back.
Kate’s Kool Tips For Dating:
(Yes, I know ‘cool’ isn’t spelt ‘kool’…blame the Kardashians)
- Don’t agree to be their girlfriend (if you feel that they are moving too fast).
So many guys ask to be boyfriend/girlfriend on the 3rd or 4th date. It has become the ‘dreaded date’ for me. It just feels awkward. I just think that being boyfriend/girlfriend on the 3rd/4th date is ridiculous – I mean, I barely know them and they want to make it so official so quickly. Unless you are absoloutely sure that you want to be official. I just tell them that I want to get to know them better before we take that next step in the relationship. That normally works a treat.
2. Tell them that you can’t text, message or talk during the day because you are busy with work.
Last year I went out with a guy who insisted on multiple good morning texts, good night texts and facebook messages throughout the day. He kept asking me why I never replied and I said I was too busy with work during the day to actually answer.
It pissed me off so much I had to end things with him. He still texted a lot though (see number 7 for further steps you can take).
3. Pay for your meal/movie ticket etc.
My mum always told me to pay my own way. There are some (very rare) times when I allow a guy to pay for my share. But then I insist on paying the next time. My mum’s mum (my Oma) was Dutch…so it literally is going Dutch.
I think that paying your own way means that you don’t have anything to ‘owe’ your date.
4. Don’t let them get away with anything.
I think it’s important that a guy you’re dating knows exactly where they stand. If you don’t want to hug/kiss/snog/’makeout’ yet, it’s probably best to let them know. Men, surprisingly, aren’t mind-readers. Writing ‘makeout’ makes me feel like a teenager. I haven’t been a teenager for 6 years.
5. Break things off with him if you think that the ‘relationship’ won’t go anywhere.
I agreed to be a guy’s girlfriend once because I was embarrassed and felt sorry for him (he asked me in front of about 5 other people). I ended up telling him that I thought about it and decided that I wanted to just be friends. Never agree to something because you feel sorry for him – I learnt that the hard way (I will never get those awful bearhugs from him out of my mind…ugh – it’s not that he was a bad person, I just didn’t like him in that way and he was a bit handsy).
If you feel like the relationship isn’t going to be long-lasting don’t keep going out. It can be hard to break things off, because you do feel mean. But you just have to take a deep breath and tell them that you can’t go out with them anymore. If you aren’t brave enough to tell them to their face – text, call, email will possibly suffice. It may be harsh to text or email, but at least you won’t have to be nervous about talking face-to-face.
6. Chivalry may be dead, but still expect someone to use their manners.
Expect a man to use his manners. If he’s rude to you or talks down to you, don’t take it because it is not nice and it will continue.
Personally, I like it when a guy opens a door for me, helps me with my coat etc. I just think that it’s manners. I mean, I would open a door for a guy if I got there first.
Who wants an arsehole boyfriend anyway?
7. Delete them on facebook, twitter, instagram.
You can also block their number. I have one called ‘blocked turd’. He didn’t get the hint for any of the other steps. Even when I said I wasn’t in the mindframe for a relationship. He kept calling every month to see if I was ready for a relationship. Maybe I should have been less subtle and said ‘I don’t like you’.
I also don’t see the point of being friends with an ex on facebook/twitter etc.
So pretty much this list just describes the things you can do to make someone back off. You don’t need to use all of them. Just choose a few that could work and trial them. In extreme cases use all of them.
I think it’s really important to know the man you’re dating before you get ‘serious’. Because you really don’t know someone properly after just 3 dates. These tips for dating can be taken with a grain of salt – you either will find them helpful or you will find them not so good. They are just things that have worked for me!