I Remember When

I remember when I was 6 I thought I was the coolest person on the planet.

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I’m wearing the yellow mask and red dress (my favourite dress from when I was younger). This was my 6th birthday (I think).

I dressed to match my sister.  I remember a little kids asked us ‘Are youse twos twins?’.  We looked at each other (my sister was a giant compared to me) and said ‘no’.  We were wearing matching dungarees, shoes and tshirts.

I remember being happy as Larry.  Not a care in the world.  Nothing could harm me.

Then one day, when I was 14, I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw.

Sure, every teenager has those moments of doubts.  But mine have stuck with me.  There was no convincing myself that I was beautiful the way I was.  I just saw someone I didn’t want to see.

I remember the first time I looked in the mirror and thought ‘ew’.

How can it be that one persons opinion of you shape the way you view yourself?  How can words hurt so badly?  On the outside I showed nothing (well, I learnt to show nothing) but on the inside I started to dislike myself.

Not my character, but my image.  Was I fat? No.  Was I unhappy with what I saw? Yes.  I felt like my body was just horrible and that is why I started to obsess about food.

It’s funny how people handle things in different ways.

I remember the day when I realised that it doesn’t matter what people think of you.  The majority of the time these people put you down because they are jealous, or have low self esteem.

I remember getting to university and thinking ‘I have the whole world in front of me, a whole lifetime.  Should I let one idiot at school make my life a misery and make me doubt myself? NO!’.  (Lame pep talk, but it worked).

Sure, there have been times that I have doubted myself.  But who doesn’t doubt themselves?

These days I am all about being positive in the way I view myself.  Yes, people might tell me I’m too skinny and I need to eat more.  Yes, people might say I’m too quiet.  But does all that matter in the end?  I don’t think so.  Because in the end, people LOVE you for who you are, not for what your weight is or whether you are too quiet.

There are times I doubt myself and times when I start obsessing over food.  However, I talk myself out of it.  Fashion and style helped me out of that tricky part of my life and I feel that personal style helps you to present to the world who you are.  I want to make an impact on the world and not just sit on the sidelines and watch.  I want to make a different in people’s lives and make them see that you are perfect the way you are.

I remember when I decided that the me I am today is the me I want to be in 20 years. (Cheesy much?). Who gives a sh** what people think of me?

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2 thoughts on “I Remember When

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    Liked by 1 person

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