Being a teacher means that I am in a mainly female dominated workplace. For a young women in her early 20s (mid 20s, but in denial), it is increasingly hard for me to find a potential boyfriend/partner in crime. So, I decided to be brave and join online dating.
To be honest I joined a site about 3-4 years ago. Over that time I’ve been on and off. I go through stages. Sometimes I date for a few months, then I get sick of it, and then I start over again.
When I go on there I tend to ‘find’ a few guys that could be potentials. Is it bad that I two time? Why is that such an issue? I think that if you’re not someone’s girlfriend that it is fine to two time. I haven’t made a commitment to someone, so that means I technically have not been two timing.
My issues with online dating are:
1) A lot of the guys on there are searching for an instant relationship.
The reason why this is such an issue for me is because I am not the sort of person who jumps into a relationship with someone I barely know. The 3rd date is often the time when I am asked the big question: ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’.
This puts me off. Why is it such a big deal? Why does a relationship have to be defined all the time? I feel that it is something that should just naturally happen. If I like you, then I will just start calling you my boyfriend.
2) The weirdos.
Man, the amount of weirdos on there is overwhelming. Once I got asked if I wanted to exchange nose-hairs. I guess that was his way of asking me on a date. He kept sending me messages like – are you a snob? How do you harvest your hair?
I was flabbergasted (my new favourite word, so descriptive). Why on earth would someone ask me out in such a way? WHY? Why would someone think that that is an okay way to ask someone out? Yes, I get you’re trying to ‘stand out’ and ‘be different’, but that’s just gross man.
Another guy I went out with chronicled every single motorbike accident he’d been in. He turned up to our first (and only) date with a full on bikie outfit (not a cool one) – motorbike jacket, pants, shoes, helmet. I was so embarrassed. He insisted on going for a walk along the beach afterwards…he got many weird looks. Most people go to the beach in summertime in their shorts and t-shirts…not their bikie outfits. What was even worse was that I asked him what he was doing for the rest of the weekend. I was trying to make conversation. When I said what I was doing (a party with my family) he thought that I was inviting him. I had to explain to him many times that ‘no, it is a family party’. Dude, I would not invite you to a family do after meeting you only one time.
He didn’t get the message and kept calling me. I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship…he lost contact for three months and then texted me asking if I was ready for a relationship yet. Uh, no.
Another one I went out with was just lol. We went out a few times and he said that he didn’t want to travel because he liked his own bed. Another time we went out, we had to turn around and pick up a picnic chair because he doesn’t like sitting on the ground. The next time we went out, he got into a fight with some old people over a picnic bench. Mortifying.
I don’t know what it is these days, but people just hug so much. It’s not a problem for me, if it’s someone I know well. But if I’ve just met you I just think it isn’t appropriate if we hug. I prefer shaking hands. It was really bad once, some guy just hugged me and my nose got squished on his shirt. He was really tall.
Another time, this guy I’d been going out with insisted on hugging at the beginning of a date and end of a date. It would have been ok if I actually liked him. The last time I went out with him I put my right hand up onto my opposite shoulder so that he couldn’t get too close. He got angry and stormed off.
4) Constant texting.
Again, this is something I wouldn’t mind if I actually liked a guy, but there is something so irritating when I receive ‘good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams’. Or ‘good morning, hope you had a great sleep ;)’. Then they want to have whole text conversations about our days and what we got up to. What are we supposed to talk about if we go out again?
5) No humour.
This is a deal breaker with me. If a guy doesn’t get my sense of humour and/or doesn’t laugh at my lame, but hilarious jokes, then sorry…
Once I went out with a guy who just didn’t get them. We went to mini-golf and there just happened to be a pond. He was standing on the side of the pond. I just casually walked up to him and grabbed his arm and said ‘just saved you’. He did not find that funny and got really upset and angry (this is the same guy who got angry when I rejected his hug).
6) Put down-ers.
Men who put me down are just not cool. Even worse when they know my brother and decide to put him down. One guy I went out with happened to be in the same year as my brother at high school. He put my brother down (to my face!).
7) Men who don’t dress well (or don’t check their appearance before they leave the house).
Presentation is important to me. Especially when we are going on a date to a nice restaurant or cafe. Please, what ever you do, don’t turn up in board shorts and jandals and muscle t. It just isn’t right. I like guys in suits. Or nicely dressed.
There was once a guy who turned up and I thought ‘what the hell is in his ear?’. Poor guy didn’t wash off all of his shaving cream. I couldn’t stop staring at his ear for the rest of the date. It wasn’t a tiny bit of shaving cream.
8) Guys who are immature.
Yes, this is one of those, ‘oh, but he’ll grow up’ things. Honestly, if a guy gets upset over mundane things, is he really the best guy to be going out with? I would like a guy who is adventurous, fun and spontaneous. But at the same time I would like a guy who is responsible and sexy in a totally, I work 9-5 way. Meaning, he can afford to go on holidays with me and wear suits.
9) No manners.
People may view this as sexist. But I love it when a guy holds a door open for me, or walks in the rain for me. A guy who pulls out my chair or helps me take my coat off is also preferred. I don’t see why it is so bad that a Man does this. I think that it just shows that he respects you and likes you. I want someone who treats me well. I went out with a guy who just marched off and let the door shut in my face.
What I look for in a man:
1) Wears suits or a uniform (i.e. police, army, fire service).
2) See above – adventurous, fun, spontaneous.
4) Has a job.
5) Good looking (this is something that is actually number 1 on the list..but I just put it here so I don’t sound like ‘looks are the most important thing in a person’. I believe they are because I think that I need to be somewhat attracted to my potential boyfriend/hubby).
6) Presents themselves well.
7) Has manners.
8) Saves money for the future.
9) Is taller than me. Preferably by a few inches (5’9-6′ something).
This list could be endless.
In conclusion, there are so many things I want in a man. I understand that ‘there is no perfect man out there’. But, I think that is a crock of sh**. There is the perfect man for me out there who is everything I want him to be. I am not going to be lenient on my ‘wish list’ or ‘list of standards’. I think what I am afraid of is settling, which has actually made it hard for me to get into a relationship. There are certain things I want out of life and if I meet someone beforehand or along the way, great, and if I don’t then I will find someone at the end. (words of wisdom from Guru-Katey right there…cue ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’).
What I’m looking for:
I only watched the Originals and Vampire Diaries because of Elijah. He knows how to rock a suit.
And Tom Hiddleston – I ‘fangirl’ every time I see a photo of him…I never normally ‘fangirl’…but he looks so good in a suit.
Alexander Skarsgard…oh wow.
Hot Cop (most NZ Cops are pretty friendly and most of them do a good job and are trust worthy):
P.S. If you feel that this is personally insulting you, remember: it is not. These are all my viewpoints and my issues. Do not take this post personally.